Its a long post filled with things that I never want to forget. So I never forget how beautiful life is and how grateful I am for what God has given me. I broke it up into several posts.
Remembering the NICU….take a deep breath. Dive in. Remember the moments. Enjoy the process.
What are the facts?
Weight/height/gestation info.
David Sullivan- 1lb 13oz 13 inches 26 weeks 1 day gestation
Lucy Tucker- 12 oz 26 weeks 1 day gestation
Birth info – why did you have to deliver early?
At 20 weeks, we went to a specialist to determine the gender. My regular OB had wanted to send me to a specialist simply because it was twins and she thought they merited a good thorough look. Dr. Perry told me then that Lucy Tucker was very smaller, but could just be having some IUGR (intrauterine growth restrictions) and there was a chance she would continue to grow. He ran some genetic tests and we prayed fervently that she would continue growing and simply be a smaller baby.
At 20 weeks, we went to a specialist to determine the gender. My regular OB had wanted to send me to a specialist simply because it was twins and she thought they merited a good thorough look. Dr. Perry told me then that Lucy Tucker was very smaller, but could just be having some IUGR (intrauterine growth restrictions) and there was a chance she would continue to grow. He ran some genetic tests and we prayed fervently that she would continue growing and simply be a smaller baby.
At 24 weeks, we returned to Dr. Perry, and unfortunately things with my sweet baby girl had only gotten worse. Her head continue to be abnormally large and her body very small. The amniotic fluid in her sac had decreased. Dr. Perry was very vague about her prognosis, and referred us to Dr. Bofill at UMC for an MRI. We did the MRI and met with Dr. Bofill the next week. He told us that basically there was no hope for my precious Lucy Tucker. He said it would be unlikely that she would survive to birth. However, our baby boy was continuing to thrive and Dr. Bofill saw no indication that I would have to deliver early based on Lucy Tucker's prognosis. (I found out later that Lucy Tucker would have surivived to birth, regardless of when I had her. The part of her brain necessary for "breathing" in utero was intact. She was also very active in my belly, despite them telling me she couldn't move from her low amounts of amniotic fluid. Looking back, I know she was going to stick with me til delivery....every little girls needs to meet their mama.) We made an appt for August 30th with Bofill and left UMC...
On August 22, at 25 weeks 5 days, I went to my regular OB appt. Charles had been faithfully coming to every appt, but this appt, being only 6 days after our visit with Dr. Bofill, just a regular checkup, he decided to skip it and I took my mom along. I remember waking up that morning and feeling a little dizzy, but other wise nothing abnormal. I had felt crappy the entire pregnancy, so feeling gross wasn't anything new. I got dressed, grabbed my Babies R Us list, some oatmeal, and headed to Jackson. When I weighed on the scale at the doc's office, I was surprised that I had gained 6 pounds in less than a week. My blood pressure was elevated at around 155/96. I waited on my doc, and when she came she did the doppler and confirmed both heartbeats. We discussed the issues with Lucy Tucker and what this may mean for the rest of my pregnancy. Towards the end, she mentioned my blood pressure and wanted it retaken. Her nurse came in and did it twice and after the 161/101 reading, I was sent upstairs to be admitted.
At first, I was just supposed to stay the afternoon. Then it was the night, but home on Thursday to stay on bedrest until delivery. Then, on Friday, it was determined that I would be transferred to UMC by ambulance and stay there until delivery. My regular OB said I would probably deliver at 28 weeks, but she was hoping I could make it to 32. That Friday afternoon was horrible. They made me go by ambulance and the EMT kept saying "you need to relax, your blood pressure is very high." Well, duh, you idiot....why do you think I'm in this damn bus? Read the chart for pete's sake. They made me sit in triage forever, where there were a million people in my face, driving me insane. Priests and med students and family and nurses. A million questions and million beeps. It was so overwhelming. I could hear people coming in that were in labor and about to have their babies..... I just kept praying that wouldn't be me.
Friday evening the put me on magnesium to help prevent me from having a stroke or seizure from my excessive blood pressure, and from going into early labor. IV Magnesium is a drug developed by the devil. It made me feel so awful...hot and cold at the same time, crying out frequently, I had the shakes....it didn't help that they wouldn't let me eat. I was hooked up to a blood pressure cuff that went off every 30 min-1 hr. And every time the "high" alarm would go off and I would cry. It was awful.
Saturday morning, we went for our first of our daily doppler ultrasounds. The doctor then informed us we would likely deliver in the next 7 days. At around 5pm Saturday night, the doctor came to check on me before leaving. The protein in my urine had quadrupled in the last 4 days, measuring at almost 8 grams. My blood pressure remained elevated and I had a headache that two percocet couldn't get rid of. The final straw, was that evening when they heard fluid in my lungs. It was the beginning of the end and my body was starting to shut down. I had become a Pre-Eclampsia statistic. Friday I was told I had 2-6 weeks until delivery, Saturday it was 2-7 days, by Saturday evening, I had an hour.
What are some of the firsts you remember most?
First seeing him/her
The c-section itself was not pleasurable for me, not that it is for anyone, but I kept getting sick on the table and passing out during the surgery. When they brought both babies by my head, I couldn't see them because Charles was standing in front of my face. I do remember seeing David's tiny feet wrapped in the plastic cover.
When they wheeled me into recovery and I regained some feeling, they brought me Lucy Tucker. She was so beautiful. The nurse who brought her to me was so kind while I cried; I'll never forget her face. I often wonder if she remembers that night as much as I do, or if it was just another day at work for her. I held her as long as they would let me before they took her to the transitional nursery.
I didn't get to see David until the next evening. I was still being monitored for my high blood pressure and they said I couldn't go down as long as I had the catheter. Looking back, I wonder if I was just scared to go see him. I remember what I was wearing the first time Charles wheeled me down. I remember the closer we got to the incubator, I started crying and shaking and asking to be turned around. It was too much and I was too scared. Charles kept pushing and assured me it would get better. He was so red and tiny; the humidity in the incubator to control his body temp caused sweat to bead down the side of the clear plastic. I sat there and cried and apologized...over and over. I felt like I had failed the job God had made me for. My child was 1 day old, and already I had failed at taking care of him.
Holding him/her for the first time
The rule in the NICU is no holding while they are on the vent or SiPAP/CPAP machine. They have to be on nasal cannula and they have to weigh at least a 1500 grams. David reached this goal on October 6. He was 6 weeks old. It was such a happy day. I got to hold him twice that weekend, but by the next Thursday, he was back on CPAP and we could no longer hold him. It was another 3 weeks before we could hold him again. We've been holding him ever since!
First Bath
They don't "bathe" in the NICU. Not in a traditional, soap and water sense. They wipe you down and that's about it. David got his first bath on Dec. 20 at home. He was unsure at first, but now he splashes away!
First time on room air
April 23rd, 2013. We came home from the hospital on 120cc oxygen. At our NICU followup in January it was turned down to 60cc and at our next appt in April it was taken off! I had look forward to that day for a long time, and in the end it was rather anti-climactic. Just sort of, "ok. you don't need it anymore. See ya!". I wanted, like, a parade.
Feeding – first time breastfeeding, first time with a bottle, full feeds
Eating has always been one of David's strong suits and he has always tolerated it well, which is a huge blessing for a micropreemie. I started pumping the day after delivery, and was able to start producing immediately. It wasn't much, but for a baby who took a total of 3 cc's daily...it was enough! He stayed on tube feedings until November 15, 2012, when he got his first bottle. He slowly increased bottles until he was taking one every 3 hours with no more tube feeds. We tried to nurse around this point, but nursing is stressful enough without throwing in 100 people staring at you and 50 beeping machines. We nursed some recreationally when we got home, but primarily did bottles filled with pumped breastmilk, which is what he is still getting today!
Beyond your significant other, who was the first person you told about what did or was going to happen? Why?
We kept the initial appt with Dr. Perry to ourselves the 2 hour drive home to the Delta. We stopped at my parents since my sister was in town and told them first, and Charles' called his parents' as well. It eventually just filtered out b/c I was in such desperate need for prayers. My mom was with me at the doctor when they admitted me on Aug. 22, and I was sending out emails to friends asking for prayers. My mom was also there when the doctor came in and said it was time to deliver.... Charles had stepped out to run an errand with my dad but they hadn't even made it to the car before they had to turn around.
Saturday morning, we went for our first of our daily doppler ultrasounds. The doctor then informed us we would likely deliver in the next 7 days. At around 5pm Saturday night, the doctor came to check on me before leaving. The protein in my urine had quadrupled in the last 4 days, measuring at almost 8 grams. My blood pressure remained elevated and I had a headache that two percocet couldn't get rid of. The final straw, was that evening when they heard fluid in my lungs. It was the beginning of the end and my body was starting to shut down. I had become a Pre-Eclampsia statistic. Friday I was told I had 2-6 weeks until delivery, Saturday it was 2-7 days, by Saturday evening, I had an hour.
What are some of the firsts you remember most?
First seeing him/her
The c-section itself was not pleasurable for me, not that it is for anyone, but I kept getting sick on the table and passing out during the surgery. When they brought both babies by my head, I couldn't see them because Charles was standing in front of my face. I do remember seeing David's tiny feet wrapped in the plastic cover.
When they wheeled me into recovery and I regained some feeling, they brought me Lucy Tucker. She was so beautiful. The nurse who brought her to me was so kind while I cried; I'll never forget her face. I often wonder if she remembers that night as much as I do, or if it was just another day at work for her. I held her as long as they would let me before they took her to the transitional nursery.
I didn't get to see David until the next evening. I was still being monitored for my high blood pressure and they said I couldn't go down as long as I had the catheter. Looking back, I wonder if I was just scared to go see him. I remember what I was wearing the first time Charles wheeled me down. I remember the closer we got to the incubator, I started crying and shaking and asking to be turned around. It was too much and I was too scared. Charles kept pushing and assured me it would get better. He was so red and tiny; the humidity in the incubator to control his body temp caused sweat to bead down the side of the clear plastic. I sat there and cried and apologized...over and over. I felt like I had failed the job God had made me for. My child was 1 day old, and already I had failed at taking care of him.
Holding him/her for the first time
The rule in the NICU is no holding while they are on the vent or SiPAP/CPAP machine. They have to be on nasal cannula and they have to weigh at least a 1500 grams. David reached this goal on October 6. He was 6 weeks old. It was such a happy day. I got to hold him twice that weekend, but by the next Thursday, he was back on CPAP and we could no longer hold him. It was another 3 weeks before we could hold him again. We've been holding him ever since!
First Bath
They don't "bathe" in the NICU. Not in a traditional, soap and water sense. They wipe you down and that's about it. David got his first bath on Dec. 20 at home. He was unsure at first, but now he splashes away!
First time on room air
April 23rd, 2013. We came home from the hospital on 120cc oxygen. At our NICU followup in January it was turned down to 60cc and at our next appt in April it was taken off! I had look forward to that day for a long time, and in the end it was rather anti-climactic. Just sort of, "ok. you don't need it anymore. See ya!". I wanted, like, a parade.
Feeding – first time breastfeeding, first time with a bottle, full feeds
Eating has always been one of David's strong suits and he has always tolerated it well, which is a huge blessing for a micropreemie. I started pumping the day after delivery, and was able to start producing immediately. It wasn't much, but for a baby who took a total of 3 cc's daily...it was enough! He stayed on tube feedings until November 15, 2012, when he got his first bottle. He slowly increased bottles until he was taking one every 3 hours with no more tube feeds. We tried to nurse around this point, but nursing is stressful enough without throwing in 100 people staring at you and 50 beeping machines. We nursed some recreationally when we got home, but primarily did bottles filled with pumped breastmilk, which is what he is still getting today!
Beyond your significant other, who was the first person you told about what did or was going to happen? Why?
We kept the initial appt with Dr. Perry to ourselves the 2 hour drive home to the Delta. We stopped at my parents since my sister was in town and told them first, and Charles' called his parents' as well. It eventually just filtered out b/c I was in such desperate need for prayers. My mom was with me at the doctor when they admitted me on Aug. 22, and I was sending out emails to friends asking for prayers. My mom was also there when the doctor came in and said it was time to deliver.... Charles had stepped out to run an errand with my dad but they hadn't even made it to the car before they had to turn around.
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